In 1984, I was diagnosed with ADD and was put on Ritalin.  I was in the second grade.  The teachers kept saying I was unfocused in class, so I was tested for learning disabilities and ADD. Then I was placed in remedial classes (reading and math) and spent time with tutors.  As for the medication, I did not like taking it. I didn’t understand what side-effects were, but I knew the medicine made me feel different.  All of these things gave me feelings of inadequacy and insecurity because I was going to the smaller classes, I was being separated from everyone else, I was worried about taking my medicine at lunch, and I was anxious about what everyone else was thinking about me.

Soccer, baseball, and basketball were my outlets.  I think in today’s world, kids need to get outside and worry more about recreation, fresh air, and exercise. But often times, they are not getting that.  And there is less and less emphasis on creating time for all kids to be physically active. During my school years, many of the pent-up frustrations would come out during physical activity. I found sports were quite an outlet for me. However, there were a few times my frustrations ran so deep that I was still dealing with them when practice would end.  I remember a few instances when I found myself leaving basketball practice in a foul mood, yelling and slamming doors – not typical reactions for me. It was my own self-pity making its way to the surface.  I was burdened by the weight of the labels that had been assigned to me and that was a trigger.  My subconscious always said, “You can’t do this as well as anybody else.” It’s not that all of the attention I received at school was negative.  I was recognized for my athleticism and my contributions to my soccer, baseball, and basketball teams, but the tapes in my head kept putting negative static energy into me.  I never wanted to learn because I already knew I was this kid who was labelled and prejudged as someone who was unable to do so.

My confidence was undermined. The labels, the medication, being singled out – it all contributed to the erosion of my self-esteem and the construction of the inner belief that I could never be a success.  All in all, I didn’t think anyone saw me as capable.  When people tried to encourage me, I saw it as condescending rather than empowering.

I made it into The Ohio State University but I never had to take the SAT – any state college had to accept you if you had recognized learning disabilities. So there I was at one of the greatest institutions for higher learning in our country, but I had a tutor. Nothing had really changed.  I was still feeling inadequate, just on larger scale. It has taken years to come to terms with how being labeled “learning disabled” affected me.  Now I am not only careful about what I put into my body, but also what I put into my brain; what I allow myself to believe about who I am.

Now when I look back to the time I first started taking ADD medicine, I would like to know what happened not only chemically, but with my hormones. As I look around at my friends who have kids with allergies, I realize how much food can have an impact on mood, focus, and just generally how a person can feel from day-to day. I realize that my parents definitely fed us well, but I know when kids have food allergies or ingest too much of certain ingredients, there are physical and emotional symptoms.  I don’t understand why we don’t simply give every kid a food tolerance test. It seems we worry so much about giving kids the right medication to help them in school, but we need to worry about whether they are getting the right foods to meet their nutritional needs.

In addition, recently I’ve learned that there are eight intelligences which have been recognized by noted developmental psychologist Howard Gardner.  While every person has a different combination of each of these intelligences, I know my most profound intelligence is bodily/kinesthetic – one that languishes and is often neglected in the classroom.  What this means is that I am very adept at sports and physical pursuits, I have excellent hand-eye coordination and I am most able to learn and focus when I am engaged in a physical activity.  Sitting passively is contrary to the best way I absorb knowledge.  So you see, it comes naturally that I would be unfocused and fidgety in a setting where I was commanded to sit still and learn.  Not being able to utilize the kinetic energy that flowed through me actually worked to shut down my brain and create an exasperated and discouraged learner. Imagine trying to drive your car when it’s not in gear.  You wouldn’t get very far. It’s not that the car doesn’t work, you’re just not using it properly. In a similar way, the gears that made my brain work best were not being engaged.

These days, three other key parts of functioning to my fullest potential include carefully monitoring what goes into my body, running about 125 miles a week, and living in the moment.  The only “medications” I take are vitamins.  I get regular health check-ups, blood tests, and I also get my hormone levels checked to optimize my overall health.  I am looking not only for peak performance levels, I want to ensure my longevity on this earth and maximize each day. Practicing meditation keeps my head clear and I try to push all those negatives tapes from my early years out of my head. Believing and trusting in myself helps me to make the right choices to lead a healthy lifestyle.  Now, I try to be fully present in each moment – unlike those years I spent wondering what was going on in the classroom across the hall, questioning why I had to be pigeonholed, compartmentalized, and separated from the rest. By exercising, eating right, and focusing on right now, I live my fullest existence.  And I enhance that by trying to share with kids who might be experiencing what I experienced and letting them know they are not alone.  Through my example, I hope they see that it’s not necessary to accept negative labels and I hope they know that they have the potential to achieve whatever they’d like to in this lifetime. I want every child with ADD to never give up on their dreams and always believe in themselves.  Truly, anything is possible.